I was just reading over some blogs done by other random people, to see if there was anything my blog was missing, and it just made me feel like my blog was meaningless. I mean I put cute cartoons and random comments down, but what does it all mean? How is it going to help me better understand myself or change my ways and make me a better person? Although some blogs were creepy, like the lady who calls her blog "as I wait" and writes letters to her "future husband" that does not exist, others were sweet and real and personal. I guess I shouldn't have started a blog unless I was ready to lay it all out on the table to really put myself out there, rather, out here. So from now on that is what will happen, the random comments will still continue, but interspersed will be deeper thoughts, that will hopefully lead to a deeper understanding of some sort.
I mean I'm happy with my life and there are few things to complain about, but as far as me as a person, I have a lot of growing up to do. I lack control in my life, I lack discipline, sometimes I even lack a conscience. Ok so every once in awhile I make a list of things in my life that I need to improve on or at least recognize as problematic...here's my latest list:
1) Try to stop swearing out of context, to describe something that is great as "fucking great" does not add color to it, it just makes me sound like I have a small vocabulary.
2) Stop using the words "retard" and "retarded."
3) Stop comparing myself to everyone else. I am who I am, I look the way I look, and the more I analyze it the more paranoid and upset it makes me. I need to stop comparing and just focus on me as an isolated being, not someone who is only someone in comparison to everyone else.
4) Be HONEST, tactful, yet HONEST. Those little white lies are easy to tell but hard to live down.
5) Try new things, stop being elitist about new cultures, foods, and ideas. Half you might not like, but you would be missing the other half if you didn’t try.
6) Be more organized, I always think I can remember everything and that I don't need to clean because what I have set-up is an "organized mess" - the idea that I know where everything is even though its in random stacks all over the place - and it doesn't always work.
7) Be less selfish, its great to know what you want, but give in to others as well, I need to make an effort to do things that aren't really interesting to me but are important to friends and family...
Alright I think that's enough for now, I'm sure if I really start to think about it there will be plenty of other things to add to this lovely list...but at least its brutally honest, no editing, no hiding, this is me, exposed.
I mean I'm happy with my life and there are few things to complain about, but as far as me as a person, I have a lot of growing up to do. I lack control in my life, I lack discipline, sometimes I even lack a conscience. Ok so every once in awhile I make a list of things in my life that I need to improve on or at least recognize as problematic...here's my latest list:
1) Try to stop swearing out of context, to describe something that is great as "fucking great" does not add color to it, it just makes me sound like I have a small vocabulary.
2) Stop using the words "retard" and "retarded."
3) Stop comparing myself to everyone else. I am who I am, I look the way I look, and the more I analyze it the more paranoid and upset it makes me. I need to stop comparing and just focus on me as an isolated being, not someone who is only someone in comparison to everyone else.
4) Be HONEST, tactful, yet HONEST. Those little white lies are easy to tell but hard to live down.
5) Try new things, stop being elitist about new cultures, foods, and ideas. Half you might not like, but you would be missing the other half if you didn’t try.
6) Be more organized, I always think I can remember everything and that I don't need to clean because what I have set-up is an "organized mess" - the idea that I know where everything is even though its in random stacks all over the place - and it doesn't always work.
7) Be less selfish, its great to know what you want, but give in to others as well, I need to make an effort to do things that aren't really interesting to me but are important to friends and family...
Alright I think that's enough for now, I'm sure if I really start to think about it there will be plenty of other things to add to this lovely list...but at least its brutally honest, no editing, no hiding, this is me, exposed.
