And here come the bitter poems....as if they needed an introduction...

How many times can I say sorry
for the mistakes I have made?
How many debts are yet to be paid?
When will my heart get a clue?
When will I stop giving in to you?

I didn't mean for this to happen
I'd do anything to make this pain go away
I have nothing left to offer
Only my torn heart remains.

Things happen
Life happens
People make mistakes
I make mistakes
It seems my whole existence is an error
God made one wrong move and it had to be me.

When does the pain end
and where does the happiness begin?
When does the guilt fade away
and why can't I be forgiven?

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Why am I so weak and afraid
of confronting my ghost
when it controls me and destroys
what I love the most?

I trusted you with all I had
I handed you the key
You stole all my secrets
And you used them as well as me.
The things I held deep inside
You released to all the world
Knowing that they came from the heart
Of a very fragile girl.
I held this hurt deep inside
Afraid to let it show
afraid of losing a friend
scared to let you go.

Then something went wrong
and I was there to blame
And instead of being nice to me
You tortured me with shame.
I would take a bullet for you
I would swim across the sea
I would never try to hurt you
Its always you ahead of me.

This is not a friendship,
Not even a distant one at that
You betray and curse and blame me
I am a walked on, used up mat.
I cannot stand another day
I will not take the fall
I'm sick of saying sorry
When its not my fault at all.
No more feeling guilty
No more damaged pride
I'm letting go of all the pain
I've held on to inside.

*************************

Why do we bottle up everything inside?
Afraid to show how we feel, afraid to damage our pride?
Yesterday a little piece of me died
When I said I was ok, I lied
I didn’t want to hurt you
By telling you I had been betrayed by my best friend
By telling you all the ugly things
That will remain inside you until the end
Why can’t you see what you have become?
Your exterior can fool the world
But I’ve seen what they can’t
Because you have already destroyed this girl
I should have been honest
I should have said what’s in my head
That I was wrong for asking, you were wrong for the lies
That the foundation of our friendship is dead
I hate when people lie to me
Especially people I trust
People I give the key to my soul to
Betray me for moments of lust
I can’t deal with this pain
Because you won’t deal with it with me
So I will just wither away
And from this emotional burden set you free

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I hate when I’m lied to
I hate when I’m not right
I hate when I’m betrayed
I hate when I don’t have the courage to fight.

I hate that you deceived me
I hate that I told you secrets I can never get back
I hate that you wronged me
I hate that this train is going off this track.

I hate that things can’t go back,
To what they were before,
I hate that you don’t listen
To my pain anymore.

I hate that you are selfish
And that you are never there
I hate that you don’t understand me
And never will take the time to truly care.

I hate that I am vulnerable
I hate that I’m naïve
I hate that I’m not perfect
I hate that I no longer believe

I hate that you have pieces of me
That I never even let anyone see
I hate that you are everything I thought I wanted to be
That you will always hold the key.

I hate that all I do is complain
I hate that I’m too scared to act
I hate that this is happening to me
I hate that I can never take anything back.

I hate that I have a Jesus complex
That if I suffer everyone will be okay
I hate that my suffering only brings more pain
That the cuts are too deep to ever go away.

************************* And the latest in the bitterness poems:
this is supposed to be sarcastic, and a blatant rip off of Jewel's Sometimes It Be That Way (which you should all check out)

*********************************
Thanks for all the times you were there
Thanks for making me think you cared
Thanks for being gentle when you told me the facts
Thanks for not mocking the way I react

Thanks for not laughing at these tears that I shed
Thanks for making my heart feel like lead.

Thanks for your selfishness
It has gotten you where you are today
Thanks for holding your anger in
So you could let it all out in one day

Thanks for walling yourself off
To all of us who considered you a friend
Thanks for always seizing
What my heart had to lend

Thanks for never giving
It would have hurt worse if you had
Thanks for always taking
And leaving me feeling mad

Thanks for never caring
Or noticing when I’m in pain
Thanks for never trying
To put me back together again

Thanks for all the lies
You knew I could see right through
Thanks for never coming clean
And acting like I never knew

Thanks for watching me cry
And not bothering to react
Thanks for walking away
And for not having any tact

Thanks for acting like you did nothing wrong
Because it seems I’m always there to blame
Well I’m done with you and your lies
This time I’m walking away with no shame.

******