i wish there was a cause or a project or an interest that i could dedicate my life to. like those nerdy children in spellbound (documentary about kids going to the national spelling bee). all of those kids on the movie except one did spelling bees because they wanted to, they would forego precious tv and movies to practice spelling words, and although spelling words won't really get you far in life, its the idea that they found something that they loved to do all day every day. a part of me is jealous of that. now, i'm not saying i wanna learn how to spell words i can't pronounce, i'm just saying i wanna find something that motivates me and inspires me like i have never been motivated or inspired before.