i'm trying to avoid starting blogs with the phrase "don't you hate" but it makes it awfully hard to write what i really want to write.

i hate that i beat myself up over mistakes i make. i hate that i kissed you, and that i wanted to, and that now i regret it. i hate that it happened when i was drunk, i always thought if we did kiss it would be a sober kiss, a hollywood-style kiss (like in Never Been Kissed, or Princess Diaries, or Titanic (hey their first kiss was a perfect kiss despite the fact that Leo was involved)). I hate that i had waited so long, and thwarted your efforts three times before because i didn't feel the time/timing was right. and now the moment is gone and i can't get it back. and now i have to see you everyday and i'm scared to be alone with you because i know we just can't be together. i know you're not the one, not even the one for right now.

see how easy this is to say to everyone except him?