"Conologue" - Conan O'Brian Quotes:
"In her book coming out next week, Hillary Clinton says that when President Clinton confessed about his affair with Monica, she wanted to, quote, "wring his neck.' Hillary decided against it, when she realized choking Bill would only enhance his orgasm."
"Earlier today, Martha Stewart issued a statement saying, 'I am innocent and I will fight to clear my name.' Martha went on to say, 'I look forward to the day when people stop thinking I'm guilty and they get back to thinking I'm cold and arrogant."
"Yesterday, President Bush toured parts of Missouri that were devastated by a recent tornado. There was one awkward moment, when the President looked at the tornado damage and said, 'Don't worry, we're going to get whoever did this.'"
"In Texas, for the second time in a month a man was arrested for publicly masturbating. Not surprisingly, the man doesn't wasn't a lawyer because he claims he can get himself off."
"Yesterday was Cinco De Mayo. When asked if he celebrated Cinco De Mayo, President Bush said, 'No, I'm still mad at the French.'"
"Yesterday, Ed McMahon received $7 million dollars from a company that he claims polluted his house with toxic mold. McMahon is so happy that he keeps ringing his own doorbell to give himself a giant check."
"A man that used to manage Demi Moore's ranch is claiming that Demi sexually harassed him. The man is not suing he just wants everyone to know."
"In her book coming out next week, Hillary Clinton says that when President Clinton confessed about his affair with Monica, she wanted to, quote, "wring his neck.' Hillary decided against it, when she realized choking Bill would only enhance his orgasm."
"Earlier today, Martha Stewart issued a statement saying, 'I am innocent and I will fight to clear my name.' Martha went on to say, 'I look forward to the day when people stop thinking I'm guilty and they get back to thinking I'm cold and arrogant."
"Yesterday, President Bush toured parts of Missouri that were devastated by a recent tornado. There was one awkward moment, when the President looked at the tornado damage and said, 'Don't worry, we're going to get whoever did this.'"
"In Texas, for the second time in a month a man was arrested for publicly masturbating. Not surprisingly, the man doesn't wasn't a lawyer because he claims he can get himself off."
"Yesterday was Cinco De Mayo. When asked if he celebrated Cinco De Mayo, President Bush said, 'No, I'm still mad at the French.'"
"Yesterday, Ed McMahon received $7 million dollars from a company that he claims polluted his house with toxic mold. McMahon is so happy that he keeps ringing his own doorbell to give himself a giant check."
"A man that used to manage Demi Moore's ranch is claiming that Demi sexually harassed him. The man is not suing he just wants everyone to know."
