I was supposed to go to my dad's today to spend some time with him and grandma before I start work. Dad called me and told me not to come today because grandma wasn't doing well and the nurses that come to the house weekly were running some tests and would know more later. I called him back an hour later to discuss things and my grandma answered. She apologized to me for not being well enough for me to come visit.
That moment was so humbling. My grandma, dealing with her second battle with cancer, possibly looking at a hospice situation, apologized to ME for being sick. When I tell people she is the most selfless person around, I ain't lying. Even as she nears the end all she can think about is other people.
The situation is just so tough...I've been pretty lucky up until now as far as not having anyone close to me fall ill or die. So there it is, the situation I've been avoiding discussing, scared to talk about, but that is on my mind all the time. It's just hard to open up about this stuff because 1) it makes me uncomfortable and 2) no one knows what to say. There are no words that will make it better, and so it's hard to come up with something to say other than "I'm sorry." I also don't like to discuss it because a lot of people just ask me questions about how sick she is and what hurts her and that hurts me to talk about.
Knowing people are there and that they show concern is enough. There's not much else that can be done.
One more thought and I'll be done with this post, my cousin Gail sent me a birthday card and wrote the following:
"Amanda, we know how much value you place in family, they are the real treasures in life. Some people search their entire lives only to discover this at the end of their journey but you already know this truth for yourself."
That moment was so humbling. My grandma, dealing with her second battle with cancer, possibly looking at a hospice situation, apologized to ME for being sick. When I tell people she is the most selfless person around, I ain't lying. Even as she nears the end all she can think about is other people.
The situation is just so tough...I've been pretty lucky up until now as far as not having anyone close to me fall ill or die. So there it is, the situation I've been avoiding discussing, scared to talk about, but that is on my mind all the time. It's just hard to open up about this stuff because 1) it makes me uncomfortable and 2) no one knows what to say. There are no words that will make it better, and so it's hard to come up with something to say other than "I'm sorry." I also don't like to discuss it because a lot of people just ask me questions about how sick she is and what hurts her and that hurts me to talk about.
Knowing people are there and that they show concern is enough. There's not much else that can be done.
One more thought and I'll be done with this post, my cousin Gail sent me a birthday card and wrote the following:
"Amanda, we know how much value you place in family, they are the real treasures in life. Some people search their entire lives only to discover this at the end of their journey but you already know this truth for yourself."
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