"it could all be so simple,
but you'd rather make it hard
loving you is like a battle,
and we both end up with scars" -LH

I believe each of us has our own self-destructive relationship pattern. That is, each of us continually enters relationships (whether new or with the same person over and over again) that are self damaging, and that the only way anyone can be in a healthy, stable relationship is by realizing this behavior and overcoming it. Damn, I sound like a self-help book...

In my case, I tend to be attracted to emotionally unavailable guys (one in particular who has been the main source of my self-destructive behavior). Thus, with them, I can never maintain anything more than a physical relationship. Which at some moments is fine, I mean it is better than nothing, but in the long run it destroys a lot in me. It makes me lower my standards and think that this is a relationship, and that I'm happy with the status quo. It makes me stay where I am and not look for anything else, in other words it shuts me off from meeting new guys or from hanging out with guys who would be there physically and emotionally. So, as long as I desire a relationship that is both physical and emotional, I need to break my pattern. But how? I haven't gotten to this part yet...

For now I'm trying to cut out these self-destructive relationships from my life. But its hard...